I havn’t written anything real in here in a while. So here it
goes. I have been really emotional lately. As have most of my friends my age.
Right now life in one huge transition and I don’t really know what to make of
it. I usually try to see change as a good thing. But right now- actually in the
next few weeks many of us will be going through some of the craziest change of
our lives. Everyone is seperating. Some of us already have, maybe to make it
easier later or something. But I feel myself tending to slightly remove myself
from reality. I talk and think as though I understand that things are going to
be different. But I don’t think I truly feel or understand the change yet. I
think it’s one of those things that is going to hit me like a bag of bricks.
it’s not something I can really prepare myslef for. If you know me, you know I
love organization and planning. I love to know what’s going on. So this is such
a weird feeling to me. I am leaving for Africa in 36 days and that is something
I can’t truly comprehend. I have never even been out of the country for more
than a few hours before and know I will be living there. dang. and weirdly that
is probably on the bottom of my worry list. Africa is something that I am
confident God wants me to do, and I am assured he will get me through it. I have
a feeling of confidence in that. I think because I have had so long to prepare
myself, scene that I found out I was going back in December. But all of the
other changes are more rapid and awkward. Obvioulsy I knew I was going to
graduate and my friends would split there ways. I guess it’s something I didn’t
spend much time thinking about. I spent my time living in the now. But now the ”
NOW” is reality.
Nikita- one of my truest friends since 8th grade, is moving on
Friday. She is moving 2 hours away. and that it way too weird to think about.
She is starting her ” adult life” I guess you could say. And I will be here
without her for another month. I won’t be able to call her up and say “lets go
to the mall” or “can you come over and talk” anymore. how awkward.
Another thing
I have been thinking a lot about is how I spend my time. Thinking about the
future and about the little time I have left here in America before I go off on
my big adventure, it makes me truly want to make every second count. I don’t do
things I don’t want to do anymore. I don’t try to please others and try to make
everyone happy. I want to spend time with those who truly matter to me, and
those kind of people that make me a better person. There is no reason to do
things only to please others, or spend time with people who make you feel down
or un-wanted. drama is lame and a waste of time.It gets us no where in life.
Along the same lines I was reading my bible last night and was thinking about
eternity. To God a humans life is just a fragrant in time. Our lives are an
instant to God. We only have one life to live. And I know it is cliche but I
don’t want to waste my small time on earth. I pray that I will make a differene
to others, and make atleast someone’s life better while being here. I want to
live a life of true purpose. The one that God made for me. I want to love like
he did, show that immense love to others. Here I come Africa. The whole world
needs to feel Gods love. I believe we are his body, his hands and feet. We are
meant to live for more than ourselves. We are meant to spread Christs love and
be loved by him in return.
